What to Do When You Feel Stuck

Feeling Stuck? Eight Tips to Move You Forward

Read this section when you are feeling stuck.

Notice I said when! Not if!

You will get stuck.I can virtually guarantee it.

In fact, I hope you do, because finding creative ways

to get past and through stuck points

is often what opens us up to

new, never-before-imagined vistas.

I find it useful to remember that there is a difference, sometimes a big difference, between being stuck and feeling stuck. When you are stuck, there's not much you can do about it in the moment. But when you feel stuck, if you can stretch to look beyond yourself, you'll often find something to help you see your situation in a new way.

Granted, it's hard because, when you feel stuck, you are definitely experiencing a sense of frustration graced with a tinge of misery. But, if you can reach out and connect with an insight, a supportive friend, or a comforting passage in a book, you can often feel a dramatic shift in your energy. It's amazing that in the space of just a moment, you can move from feeling stuck, to feeling hopeful, focused, grounded, or possibly even a bit optimistic about your circumstances.

So, when you seem stuck, hold the possibility that you are feeling stuck rather than being stuck.

As soon as you recognize you feel stuck, focus on the next question: What can you do to move through that feeling to the other side? The answer you choose will depend on a number of factors including where you are in the process, what your support team looks like, how much money you have budgeted for this process, and so on.

Use the following list to determine where you are feeling stuck. Then click through to find the suggestions associated with your situation.

When you don't understand the instructions or a term.
When you aren't sure how to approach an exercise.
When you find you are avoiding the program.
When you feel overwhelmed by it all.
When you start saying "I'm not getting anywhere with this".
If you keep getting the same advice and it sounds like it makes sense, but you can't seem to act on it.
If you find yourself overwhelmed and worried about how the process of changing your career is going.
If you are in an emotionally or physically toxic situation.

When you don't understand the instructions or a term...

Talk to your coach or contact the Career Clarity Support Team. There's no excuse for staying stuck here. Clarification support is always FREE!

Check out the examples or trigger questions to get you started.

When you find you are avoiding the program...

Whether you are procrastinating, hesitating, or feeling frustrated with the process, you are most likely running into an issue you'd prefer not to face. Rather than getting mad at yourself or berating yourself for being lazy or failing once again, sit with yourself to sort out what it is about the process that has triggered you.

Here Are Some Questions to Walk You Through This

Look at the last exercise you completed.

Take a look at the next exercise.

Try to reconstruct what you thought you were going to do next.

Is there anything there that resonates with your inability to work on the process at the moment?

If there's anything in the Career Clarity Program that looks easy enough to approach given your current state of mind, then go for that!

If you are you feeling really stuck, then keep reading.

When you feel overwhelmed by it all...

Take stock of what's going on in the rest of your life. If you're really busy at work or your kids have been sick, cut yourself some slack. This process will be here when you are ready to return to it. In fact, you may need to handle whatever is on your plate before you can move on. In some circumstances, the process of living your life may trigger an idea you would not have thought of on your own.

~~~

Client Story:

I once had a client who absolutely needed to leave her position. It was an emotionally toxic place that was draining her energy considerably. Just after we started working together, her father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Although she was desperate to leave her job, she realized she needed to attend to her father's care first. After some soul searching and brainstorming, she negotiated a leave (which had the unexpected side benefit of getting her out of the environment for awhile) and took on managing her father's care.

As it turned out, the support she provided for her father made her realize what a need there is for caring, informative advocates for terminally ill patients and their caregivers. She might never have found that key to her future if she hadn't taken the path she initially saw as a detour.

In the years since I worked with this client, she changed job and worked in a non-profit while she completed her degree in Geriatric Social Work.

~~~

Or "This is a waste of time," or something that falls into this general category, take notice! You are Stuck-with a capital "S"!

Don't take your frustration out on the instrument.it's just providing you with a mirror so you can vent the frustration that's been building about your situation in general.

Don't force yourself to do anything else in the Career Clarity Program at this point. Instead, keep reading.

In all the years that I've done this work, more than half of my clients have expressed frustration of this magnitude. As we talked, however, they were able to see that a fear or a pattern from their past was getting in their way. (I'll have some suggestions about how to work with this situation in a moment.) In the end, only a small percentage of these people left the process, and usually it turned out they had other aspects of their lives that needed to be addressed before they could focus on finding meaningful work.

~~~

Client Story:

On occasion, clients who left the process early to work on other more pressing issues called me again several months or years later to continue our journey together. One story sticks out most in my mind.

If you've read, The Seasons of Change, you may already know a little bit about Ed, although you'd know him by the name Frank. Here's what I wrote about "Frank" back in 1998 (pg. 201).

"Frank finally came to see me after ten years of struggling to find a new career on his own. Although his income had held up pretty well over the years, his self-esteem had plummeted, his health had suffered, and his standing in his field had steadily declined.

If he had realized that he needed professional assistance at the end of one or two years, he could have avoided eight long years of misery and had the excitement, challenge, and fulfillment of a new career. So even though he didn't hurt himself financially by staying in his job, he did experience huge losses at a personal level. Indeed, he lost eight years of his life that he can never recover."

After we'd worked our way through nearly the entire process and had identified that Ed wanted to own and operate an Inn with his wife, I realized that Ed's inability to act on advice meant that longstanding patterns of low self-esteem and depression needed to be addressed before we could make any more progress.

Although Ed wasn't completely comfortable with my suggestion to work with a therapist, we parted ways. I have to admit that I doubted I'd ever hear from Ed again.

A year later I did! It turns out Ed had worked with someone on the issues we'd discussed, but he'd also remained in the job that was chipping away at his health and self-esteem. In fact, it had gotten so bad he'd been forced to take a leave for health reasons.

So we started our work together again. This time Ed was ready to go! By revisiting the work we'd already done, we were able to hone in on a business he could start right away-leveraging his longstanding passsion for landscaping and horticulture.

After about a year he realized that the time intensive nature of landscape design was not allowing him to meet his lifestyle and financial goals. So it was back to the drawing board. This time he and his wife reviewed the work Ed and I had done, and did some soul searching as a couple. In the end, they resigned from their jobs and sold their home of many years to fulfill a dream!

They now own and operate the Butterfield Bed & Breakfast in Julian, California which is just one hour NE of San Diego. I'll let Ed share the details:

"Our 5-room inn is tucked under majestic pine and oak trees on a serene ivy-covered hillside within the quaint historic district of Julian. We are on a 3-acre hillside, offering a beautiful view of the serene countryside within walking distance of the town.

When you enter our "Charming Country Cozy" Inn, you are welcomed like an old friend. Enjoy the collection of antiques, but especially the aromas of homemade desserts and breakfast.

Visit our website if you'd like more details about our award-winning romantic getaway." http://www.butterfieldbandb.com"

I recently heard from Ed and Dawn. They just purchased a neighboring house and transformed it into a private cabin adjacent to their Inn.

~~~

When you feel unbelievably stuck, think of Ed's success and hang in there! Sometimes understanding what's getting in the way of your making progress in this process is directly related to what's getting in the way of your finding the work you want. If you bail out when you feel stuck, you'll miss a perfect opportunity to make a breakthrough!

One of the realities of feeling stuck is that it's hard for you to see a way out. Perhaps your way of looking at your situation is part of the problem rather than part of the solution. Please believe me when I say it is possible to get beyond this stuck point, and you may need to ask for support to get the results you crave.

One of my therapists once told me there's great strength in being vulnerable. I always remember her words when I need to ask for support to solve a problem. Find the piece of yourself that really and truly wants to discover the work that truly works for you. Align yourself with the strength of that part so you can make it through this trying time.

So Where Can You Go for Support?

If you are working with a Career Clarity Coach, reach out and ask for support.

If you aren't yet working with a Career Clarity Coach, look at the coach profiles. It's imperative to contact someone so you can continue to move forward in the program. Sometimes just one session can loosen things up enough that you can get back to work. You may find working with a coach allows you to move forward faster and gain more insights.

Something is definitely going on. Give yourself the gift of looking it in the eye and finding a way beyond it. I know it's tough and it's better to take the time to understand it than to keep jumping over it or going around it. "It" will continue to be there until, and unless, you find resolution. Talk with a professional who can help you sort out what's going on. It may not be as big as you think.

Your feelings of frustration may be especially intense. This is another instance in which support from your coach or the help of another professional would be instrumental in helping you make progress.

You are right on target. No matter how you look at it, changing careers is quite a journey. It's an especially powerful transition because you aren't just changing jobs, you're updating and expanding your identity as well. As a result, your family and relationships are changing. The Seasons of Change introduces you to a map of the transition process and provides you with guidance to make your journey safe, fun, and productive!

Pay particular attention to the description of the emotional side of each Step of the program.

If you are in an emotionally or physically toxic situation...

You may need to take a hard look at whether you can realistically think about a new life when your current life takes constant vigilance and self-protection. Reach out for support so you can move beyond this difficult situation as soon as possible.

If you discover you are stuck, don't back away! Don't wallow in frustration. Don't run the other way. Don't stop in your tracks. Don't procrastinate.

Instead, reach out to get support to see your situation through different eyes.